In order to celebrate my daughter's birthday, I finally made myself the bracelet I have been planning for months. I love it.

Even my husband said he wished it wasn't just a "girlie" think because he loves it so much. The photo's don't do it justice...is that vain? Because really it is so pretty. If it had been a gift I would have cried upon opening it.

I am now offering these same types of "Memory Bracelets" in my Etsy shop...fully customizable.

What is it with me getting ill every time I do a month-long-blog-a-thon? This month I only had to think about it and a cold crept up on me.

It's quiet in the house now, everyone is asleep, and I have a list of 1 million things I should be doing right now, but it seems like so much better an idea to steal a few minutes to write. I don't even have a great philosophical point to make. I just miss being in this place. Writing and hearing from God. Sharing my heart and connecting with...um...anyone who might be reading. I think most of my blog readers might be friends I already know, but I like to imagine that there are a few people who stop by to share a cup of coffee now and again that I might not ever know of. So, this blog is for you I guess. Welcome.

This time of year is so special to me as the air turns colder and christmas smells begin to fill the air. Today I wanted to but every autumn decoration in the craft store. I resisted and didn't buy anything. This is a season that my daughters were born in, that my husband and I met and fell in love in, that baking and sweaters abound. A season for cute boots and good memories.

As much as I say I love summer most, I'm pretty sure I have an affection for autumn that is special and set apart.

Soon it will be popcorn and hot cocoa to celebrate rainy days, and my oven will be going almost non-stop to warm up my house and to feed happy children.

This weather reminds me of one of the best parts of homeschooling my children. They dance in the rain and snuggle under blankets while we talk about numbers and racism in early America...and we laugh. Most days I want to pull my hair out from frustration at some point, but I also have the greatest blessings of being a mom on those same days... the stolen kiss from a boy on the cusp of becoming a young man...the spark of awe that my daughter's eyes still have when she watches me...and the fly-by kisses from a ball of energy that calls himself my 'yiddle boy'. :)

Time is going too fast with these little ones. Before I know it it will always be quiet at night...

I've had this idea of a blog rolling around in my brain for a few months now and it still wont come out right., yet somehow with my dear sweet husband asleep on the couch and crickets chirping outside. The noisy quiet of night and a cool late summer/early autumn breeze blowing through I figured I'd try.

If you read my other blog you will have seen that I took a much unexpected and God ordained trip to to a lovely little town just outside of Toronto this summer. I wont recount what it meant to me here...but I will share a little more of the work God began there that I think He is still working on today.

I don't think I even noticed that He was working on a blessing beyond the obvious of forging a flesh and blood friendship with my dear sisters of the heart, until I boarded the plane that would bring me back to The States. I don't think I even saw the threads of it fully then, I just knew that something in my spirit changed in those four short days. That it was bigger than me. Bigger than my beloved friends.

I think, just maybe, it was a healing that was started. And it started in the strangest way...with a bucket of silent tears shed from a goodbye.

I have blogged about changes and hurts in the last few years that have left me feeling pretty battered and raw. I have blogged through my struggles with altered or changed relationships. I have silently carried some wounds for others that I really couldn't blog about. I have mourned outloud and in silent...and I think, stepping on that plane, sitting in my seat waiting to be delivered home into the arms of my very best friend, my husband, God reached out and took hold of my heart and assured me He noticed. Reminded me that He was about the work of healing, and that my time of rejoicing was on the horizon.

It has bafled me at times that the struggles of the last few years have, at times, seemed more to bear than the death of my sweet Eden...but I think that, somehow, it makes sense. This is more of that journey of faith. To see God when I want to just see suffering. To worship at His merciful feet simply because He is God...and through the surrender of my desires and of my pain and hurts...His blessings flow even sweeter.

I haven't loved every step of this journey but I belive in my heart of hearts that I carry blessings I might never have even seen without it.

I am texting this post from my phone, in part to test this amazing blogg feature, but also to clear my head in a fleeting and rare spare moment alone.

I am without my much beloved spell check so please forgive me now that my spelling secret is out.

Last week we celebrated the birthday of our first baby, now 11 and on the cusp of becoming a young man. throughout the day I would catch glimpses of him, standing nearly as tall as me. Looking out for his brother, 7 years his junior. Goofing around and laughing with his very best friend, his sister. I would watch him and smile, overwhelmed at the blessing of having been entrusted with this amazing person, of filling his life with the opportunity to know and serve God.

Where to even begin...

I have come to realize what a vital part of my life and my relationship with God sitting at this desk and pouring out my heart through this keyboard really is.

Every time I sit to write I hope that I am submitting something good. Something that goes out and adds to the cyber world. I don't expect it to be profound or life changing...not every post...but I do hope it will be something "for good".

Maybe that is why I have been away so long?

This last season in my life has been a little dry. Circumstances and my attitude towards them have put me in a mood to be less than enthusiastic about writing, or I have been just plain tired.

Through it all though, is the constant that gives my very breath meaning.

My God.

While life has presented many obstacles lately, God remains who He is.

My son asked me about the act of worship the other day, in a way only an innocent and inquisitive child, nearing his teen years, can why we worship God. Pointing out that "Yeah, Jesus died and everything but why do we worship?"

I was reminded again of the awesome blessing of being a parent, being compelled to understand things enough to explain them is just one.

For this question I had the ready answer, the answer that can make this whole journey of faith so uncomfortable for some, but provides freedom beyond measure.

"We worship Him because He is God. He is the creator of every atom and every mountain. We worship Him because he created us and gives us life. We worship Him because He is beyond our imagination. If He never blessed us, if He didn't have relationships with us, if He just sat in heaven...He would be worthy of our worship. But He does bless us, and He does have relationship with us, and He doesn't just sit in heaven...He is intimately involved with us. So that is why we worship."

Over the last few years, as my life circumstances cause me trouble, or heartache, or breed questions I have come to understand that all of that is irrelevant if I trust in who God is. If I am willing to see how much bigger than me and what I comprehend...and if I know in the fiber of my soul and am willing to submit to his ultimate goodness and wisdom...then I can keep moving in this life. In the midst of hurt, suffering, confusion...God is still God and ultimately beyond me and wants more for me than I can ever imagine.

Has it really been over a month since I posted? That's crazy. I have been posting deals over at my other blog and just kind of left this one to sit.

I guess that's the way life flows sometimes. It's not that I haven't had blog worthy things, I've just been really tired. I wish i could say it was because I was so active or pregnant or something...but the truth is that sometimes things are really hard and I just grow weary.

Most of the weariness culminated in me sitting on the edge of the tub in my bathroom this weekend crying for 20 minutes and not really even knowing why.

That's not entirely true, the tears had sprung up from a phone call with my parents. My kids were having their very first, all three kids, sleepover Saturday with my mom and dad. My dad is not exactly a "kid guy" but my mom really wanted this... and somewhere in him my dad was looking forward to it too. Well, and I will spare you all the gorey details, my dad took the kids on a trail walk and...well... lost the two oldest. They ran ahead, he lost sight, they got turned around. They were separated and lost. My youngest, just 3, was crying for his brother and sister. Thankfully the older kids asked a grown-up they saw outside for help and everything worked out safely.

My dad did the "I was so scared" and lost his temper in a big way, and that has caused more harm to his relationship with the kids than the getting lost part. I think they are all three feeling around to find a way back to what was, even if what was wasn't cuddly it was comfortable for everyone.

So even though I only found out after the fact and the whole event was maybe a half hour, it just opened up all the stuff that has been swirling around and thus the bathroom crying fit.

I am so grateful that God has given me the husband I have because he guided me through my little breakdown and back into the arms of Jesus...with reminders of who God is, and His deep deep love for me, personally.

So with my spiritual glasses firmly in place I have navigated the waters of change and growth much better the last few days.

Just this morning I was able to see how beautifully God moves in trying situations. My mother is ill and has been for a while...she doesn't share all the details or the prognosis with me often but her time with us, if God doesn't intervene, will be cut short and she likely won't see my youngest in his teens. This breaks my heart more than even I realize as I can't take that reality off the shelf and look at it to long.

She has taken to borrowing my kids to help her with her bi-weekly shopping trips. It's an inconvenience and disrupts our school schedule since it's rarely the same day or time, but my kids are making memories with her and she is getting time she needs with them. None of this would be possible if God had not so clearly led me to homeschool the kids.

I doubt this is the only reason, but I cherish it none the less. Knowing God cares so much for each of them that even in this, he's given us a rainbow of hope and peace.

Since all of my friends are always supportive of my efforts...and since my shop thrives on word of mouth... I wanted to let everyone know I updated my etsy shop with lots of wonderful new products today (and have more coming in the next week!)

I am so excited about the new goodies...

dreamsofeden.etsy.com










































and a special thanks to Stacee Lianna for all the amazing pictures!