It occurs to me that, now that I have begun blogging, I often want to write about things that have nothing to do with Eden, our life with her, or the roller coaster that is life without her.

It's not so much that I would find it dishonorable to do so in her blog, but it would distract me from what that blog is all about. It's also really nice to have that one space set apart...a special place to go and learn, mourn, grow, and just reflect on this amazing miracle of being her mother.

So here I am and i feel like this should also be poignant and moving, should be deeply spiritual, but it's just about me being me. I hope and pray that God is still glorified in it, because I hope he's glorified in me living my life.

This year we started homeschooling our two oldest children. What a wild time to start. I'm super grateful we had made the decision before we found out about Eden's anencephaly, or I might not have gone ahead. It was wonderful though, to be able to have them here, where they could freely process and mourn their sister.

But this blog isn't about Eden...

It's been frustrating at times trying to make such a transition. Frustrating for the kids and for me. They expect certain things and so do I. Some of it is reasonable and some just isn't, on both sides.

The thing I most want for them is to find the joy of learning just for the sake of learning. To learn new processes and get new ideas. That's not what they have been learning in public school. There they have learned how to take tests and get the correct answer. I'm not really concerned with the correct answer, just that they know how to get there.

This is most evident in my daughter, who will try every answer on the multiple choice until she has the right one, or who will cry that she needs help, when what she wants is for me to give her the right answer.

Imagine my utter joy when I saw her just sorting things into groups the other day, she's 7, and she was talking to me about how she was sorting them. I can't remember if it was hairbands or Polly Pockets, but I remember she was happy when she realized she could sort them one way but she could also switch her groups around and sort them this way, or....

This probably seems small. I almost missed it myself. The thing is, she has worksheets on just this thing. If she were in school she'd be tested on it and it would stress her out to not know exactly how her teacher wanted her to group things.

This was her discovering a process and going with it. Playing with it and learning something, all on her own. With no tears or stress.

What a good day.