The words won't come easy tonight. Words to mark an amazingly simple day, a day filled with what a lot of other days look like. Errands, meals, kids, diapers, laughing, laundry, yawning... a lot of my regular everydays.

Yet, today is so huge. Huge and overwhelming and amazing and precious.

Tonight I will crawl in bed, exhausted, next to my very best friend who I have been so blessed to share the last 20 years with.

It hardly seems possible that the two children who walked down that aisle so many years ago are the same people raising babies, paying bills, and laughing so hard everyday. I can't believe we have spent more than half my life married.

In many ways it seems like just yesterday we made our vows before God and our family and friends...and in others I can see the lifetime we lived.

Through apartments, houses, the birth of five beautiful children, the death of one of those children, the loss of two of our parents, the joyous friendships we've made, the painful partings with some of those same friends. The mentorship of some amazing families, the learning to stand without them... twenty years takes kids to adult and yet leaves me feeling like I still have so much growth left to do.

To celebrate my wonderful husband wrote an amazing blog that he shared along with fabulous photos that we had taken by Stacee Lianna. I can't say anything better than he did.

When this verse came up on the screen in church Sunday morning two things happened simultaneously...My husband turned to me and said "You need to print that on an index card and tape it to your dashboard or something", and I started to sweat.

Truth be told, I wrote the verse address down (Isaiah 43:18-19) without even fully registering what was happening.

There have been seasons in my life, events where someone is speaking and I know it is a message meant for me. These words ignited something in me and I spent the next twenty minutes taking notes and waiting for the visiting preacher to invite people to pray...afraid I might leap out of my seat and rush the stage uninvited.

Not 18 hours after I wrote my last post, here was a message about destiny, purpose, mandates and assignments. Being not just willing but excited. Knowing that the mundane and ordinary moments are just as, if not more, important than the highlights.

I'm excited.

I'm dreaming.

God is preparing me for something. It might be more laundry, more hours toting kids, more time spent supporting some people I love who are fully walking in their dreams. It might have more frustration...and more waiting. It might still be winter...but my spring is coming and I will get to be used by Him to do something new...because it's already begun.
My oldest daughter is obsessed with re-runs of the show Wife Swap. Obsessed I tell you...and in a the-tv-lives-in-the-living room house, that means I am now watching millions of hours of the show, too. If you are unfamiliar with the plot, I'll break it down for you. The mom from a family that lives life at the very end of one extreme...Like the Fitness BootCamp, Only Organic, Vegan California family...switches with a mom from the other extreme... Like the Southern, Derby Car, Nothing but Fast Food, No Rules family...for two weeks. One week the moms live the lives of the mom they have switched with and the second week they get to change rules. Lots of chaos ensues. Lots of yelling. Kids get annoyed and many judgments are made, and someone usually cries.

Quality TV I tell ya.

Sometimes when we watch I think it wouldn't be so bad to have another mom come in here and give the place a really good scrub. That's the mom I'd get. The one with schedules and spreadsheets and she would not allow the mountain of laundry I am trying not to see right now.

She'd probably get the kids rooms pretty clean too. She'd get in there with a trash bag and vacuum and she'd get everything in it's place. Honestly, even if she was judging me in the process, I'd just be excited it's done.

My girls' room has hit that critical mass where they may need one of those mom interventions. The last time I did it is actually kind of a life defining day for me. That was the day my good friend Stacee introduced me to Stuff Christians Like, and the author I like to pretend is my best friend, Jon Acuff. :)

I laughed hard at the funny quirks in the Christian church that I love so much and I was also amazed at the greater spiritual points he managed to weave in as, of course, I was hooked. SCL became a regular read. Serious Wednesday brought tears to my eyes more than once...and I even called to try and book him to speak at our church!

As often happens when you set out chasing your dream, God changed Jon's path a little and he became not "just an author" but a leader. And not a weird cult leader, but a voice to an entire generation of dreamers. He's reminding people everyday to dream...and then to put some hustle behind those dreams. To sweat, work and own those dreams. And to Start moving!

That passion is contagious and a little scary when you are me. I have been feeling like over and over again, God has been reminding me to dream, To be passionate. To move in my gifts...and yet, I have felt stuck, terrified, empty, alone, and lost.

In the weeks since my mother's death, I have been broken in a whole new place and I think God is dusting off some old dreams and possibly unearthing more. I'm to tired of "trying to do it right", and life seems too short to play around. And I honestly feel like the last two or three years I have been stuck in a pit I dug.

So here I am, stepping out, afraid to dream and filled with hope at the same time.

One of the things I most want to do is write again. Even if no one is reading I feel like I know myself so much more when I commit "words to paper".

Do you have a dream that terrifies you?