It's been a really crappy morning. One of those where I go outside and sit on the porch to cry...a lot. I pouted at God, I prayed for peace, I tried to buck up...but mostly I just cried and cried.

I could tell you about all the little things that piled up to become one giant thing, but really, why? What good would that do either of us. Fact is, sometimes life is just plain hard. Even when it's not awful or terrible, it's hard. My world wasn't coming to an end, I was just overwhelmed and unable to get out from under it.

So I escaped to a nice hot shower. I started thinking about how grateful I was to have that shower. It's a second shower, not the one in my bathroom, next to the inconsolable baby that was trying to sleep, but an entire second shower I could escape to.

I always wanted to write a weekly blog series, but never knew what I had to share weekly that had consistent value...but, inspired by that hot shower and my good friend Stacee Lianna, I finally saw it.

It's the little things.

Just like it was little things that had piled up and tried to crush me, it was the little things that were going to give me some perspective.

I have so many obvious and big God, my family, my health...but I also have a million little blessings too. Little love notes that I believe are from God, every day. Things that tend to be a little more tangible and immediate.

Things like that shower. It might seem silly, but a hot shower is one of my cheapest forms of therapy. I can literally feel my stresses flowing down the drain. Maybe it's because it's one of the few times I am alone and can hear myself. All the outside noises are drowned out and no kids are asking me for, or demanding anything from me. And to realize that I had an option of a shower today because we had a second shower was like a bright light in the midst of all the ick from my morning.

Our house is not yet put together from our move, and there are still a lot of bad feelings associated with how things went with the old landlord, but loving this house, knowing it is home, and enjoying things like hot showers make that all feel so much better.
I wish I had words to even begin to describe the events, emotions, revelations, and life that I have lived in these last several months.

I have so missed sharing myself and my thoughts with this blog.

Zoe, baby number 5, is finally asleep in her bassinet, the big kids are at church, and my sweet hubby is sleeping after a very long day. Me? I'm just enjoying the few minutes of peace.

Zoe has been so much of a blessing, even as the most challenging baby I have ever had. She is making her mark on our little family. Each of the children is more in love with her each day. Even Jack, the "baby" before her, has loved her from the moment he saw her.

I'm sort of struggling to figure out what each next step is for me, not in a "what next" sort of way, but in a "how does this fit" way. I'm trying to fit this new family dynamic and new personal dynamic into the lives we have been living. It's difficult and frustrating, but, when I can step back from them a bit, incredibly exciting.

I hope to be able to find more time to get back here as I work it all out.