I figured looking at my many blessings and those things I am blessed to enjoy was the perfect place to find the inspiration...but then the cars, yep cars, started to have major and minor issues. The kids got sick. I have been trying to keep some annoying illness at bay, life squeezed in and I wasn't able to connect the photo the same way I wanted too...in the end the posts felt a little ... flat.
So now I'm going to try to get it right. Bringing this little treasure into the light and not tucked away.
It's precious few times when I can actually pinpoint the start of God doing a major internal change in me ...it usually only shows when I look back at who I was and think "Wait? how did I get here?"
This time is different, and I say is because I know I still don't know the whole magnitude.
What started on a runway in Toronto is still stirring today. I see the steps, I see them small and imperfect, but I see God guiding them.
I am once again awestruck at His deep love for me, and His perfect design and craftsmanship...not just of the human person, but the human soul and spirit.
My heart longs to pour this all out as an offering to God and a testimony of His great love and yet, every time I try words fail me.
I believe God is preparing my heart for, not a battle, but a rebirth of some of my personal passions and joys. That He is bringing me to a place to see that He has my destiny and His blueprint for how I can be used in accordance with His plan...but that He is so loving, kind, and good that it will come with much personal fulfillment as well.
Can you imagine? Just to think of it overwhelms me. To think that the God who created all that is and will be, has on His holy agenda, that which will bring me a little smile and fuel a great, personal, passion. The amazingness of that simple truth is humbling beyond words.
In this past year I have mourned deeply as what I thought should be, didn't match what was. As I laid dreams and desires at God's feet only to walk away with them unmet. I trusted God and His wisdom but I ached at the many prayers answered "No." I wept bitter tears more times than I care to recount or admit as the road map for my life took turns I'd never have drawn in. I have struggled with feelings of being left behind, forgotten, unimportant, unremarkable, and in between, waiting on the "next". I admonished myself to wait on God, to live in the middle, to trust. I have trusted, but perhaps grudgingly. Knowing God's plan was perfect but pouting because I didn't have to like it.
Yet here I sit tonight, with nothing changed, no neon sign pointing to Next... no detours to point directly back to the path I long to be on, and still the whole thing is different because God is molding me in the circumstances I live everyday, with the circumstances I live everyday.
He is reminding me that every passion I have He designed, not for my frustration but for His purpose and my joy. That my greatest joys are found in living His purpose.
In this I am truly and utterly blessed.