In about 10 minutes my house will be quiet. The kids will be in their beds and my husband is out. It will be too quiet to escape my thoughts...and it will be too quiet to distract me from the fact that my mother is still gone...that she passed quietly Tuesday morning and that the last time I will ever see her is just a memory now.

I have spent the last few days on a pre-planned mini road trip that I decided not to miss. It was nice to go, to not think, to step away from the everyday routine that was lacking a daily phone call... to listen to the ocean and feel the wind on my face and try to leave the deep sadness behind.

But at night, in the quiet, I can't escape the emptiness that comes with loss.

And I know when I wake up, it will still be there.

So as much as I am coveting the quiet time tonight, I am also kind of dreading it.