Has it really been over a month since I posted? That's crazy. I have been posting deals over at my other blog and just kind of left this one to sit.
I guess that's the way life flows sometimes. It's not that I haven't had blog worthy things, I've just been really tired. I wish i could say it was because I was so active or pregnant or something...but the truth is that sometimes things are really hard and I just grow weary.
Most of the weariness culminated in me sitting on the edge of the tub in my bathroom this weekend crying for 20 minutes and not really even knowing why.
That's not entirely true, the tears had sprung up from a phone call with my parents. My kids were having their very first, all three kids, sleepover Saturday with my mom and dad. My dad is not exactly a "kid guy" but my mom really wanted this... and somewhere in him my dad was looking forward to it too. Well, and I will spare you all the gorey details, my dad took the kids on a trail walk and...well... lost the two oldest. They ran ahead, he lost sight, they got turned around. They were separated and lost. My youngest, just 3, was crying for his brother and sister. Thankfully the older kids asked a grown-up they saw outside for help and everything worked out safely.
My dad did the "I was so scared" and lost his temper in a big way, and that has caused more harm to his relationship with the kids than the getting lost part. I think they are all three feeling around to find a way back to what was, even if what was wasn't cuddly it was comfortable for everyone.
So even though I only found out after the fact and the whole event was maybe a half hour, it just opened up all the stuff that has been swirling around and thus the bathroom crying fit.
I am so grateful that God has given me the husband I have because he guided me through my little breakdown and back into the arms of Jesus...with reminders of who God is, and His deep deep love for me, personally.
So with my spiritual glasses firmly in place I have navigated the waters of change and growth much better the last few days.
Just this morning I was able to see how beautifully God moves in trying situations. My mother is ill and has been for a while...she doesn't share all the details or the prognosis with me often but her time with us, if God doesn't intervene, will be cut short and she likely won't see my youngest in his teens. This breaks my heart more than even I realize as I can't take that reality off the shelf and look at it to long.
She has taken to borrowing my kids to help her with her bi-weekly shopping trips. It's an inconvenience and disrupts our school schedule since it's rarely the same day or time, but my kids are making memories with her and she is getting time she needs with them. None of this would be possible if God had not so clearly led me to homeschool the kids.
I doubt this is the only reason, but I cherish it none the less. Knowing God cares so much for each of them that even in this, he's given us a rainbow of hope and peace.
I guess that's the way life flows sometimes. It's not that I haven't had blog worthy things, I've just been really tired. I wish i could say it was because I was so active or pregnant or something...but the truth is that sometimes things are really hard and I just grow weary.
Most of the weariness culminated in me sitting on the edge of the tub in my bathroom this weekend crying for 20 minutes and not really even knowing why.
That's not entirely true, the tears had sprung up from a phone call with my parents. My kids were having their very first, all three kids, sleepover Saturday with my mom and dad. My dad is not exactly a "kid guy" but my mom really wanted this... and somewhere in him my dad was looking forward to it too. Well, and I will spare you all the gorey details, my dad took the kids on a trail walk and...well... lost the two oldest. They ran ahead, he lost sight, they got turned around. They were separated and lost. My youngest, just 3, was crying for his brother and sister. Thankfully the older kids asked a grown-up they saw outside for help and everything worked out safely.
My dad did the "I was so scared" and lost his temper in a big way, and that has caused more harm to his relationship with the kids than the getting lost part. I think they are all three feeling around to find a way back to what was, even if what was wasn't cuddly it was comfortable for everyone.
So even though I only found out after the fact and the whole event was maybe a half hour, it just opened up all the stuff that has been swirling around and thus the bathroom crying fit.
I am so grateful that God has given me the husband I have because he guided me through my little breakdown and back into the arms of Jesus...with reminders of who God is, and His deep deep love for me, personally.
So with my spiritual glasses firmly in place I have navigated the waters of change and growth much better the last few days.
Just this morning I was able to see how beautifully God moves in trying situations. My mother is ill and has been for a while...she doesn't share all the details or the prognosis with me often but her time with us, if God doesn't intervene, will be cut short and she likely won't see my youngest in his teens. This breaks my heart more than even I realize as I can't take that reality off the shelf and look at it to long.
She has taken to borrowing my kids to help her with her bi-weekly shopping trips. It's an inconvenience and disrupts our school schedule since it's rarely the same day or time, but my kids are making memories with her and she is getting time she needs with them. None of this would be possible if God had not so clearly led me to homeschool the kids.
I doubt this is the only reason, but I cherish it none the less. Knowing God cares so much for each of them that even in this, he's given us a rainbow of hope and peace.
