Do people even read blogs anymore? Or is it all snippets on facebook? Or maybe those are the only blogs that get read? The ones that get linked on Facebook? You know the ones that tackle that one subject you're passionate about and finally say all those things you couldn't figure out how to say.
Well, regardless... here I am. I have this goal of posting a few times a week, but if I'm honest, every time I say that some new plague overtakes my home and that priority falls very much by the wayside. Here I am though, regardless, trying to dust things off and start again.
A little over a month ago I had an appointment with a counselor who basically told me I didn't need therapy, but what I did need was some time to sit, think, and process a little. I came up with a plan to take some time each week and really get alone and write. I have been alone exactly zero times since then. (See, I make plans... and *boom*)
So here I sit. It is quite the opposite of sitting at Starbucks, people watching, and thinking deep profound things. Instead, I'm hearing the awesome sounds of Batman, the Animated Series, and Zoe's cough in the background. I am sitting in perfect view of the three loads of laundry that need folding, and I am snacking on the very healthy lunch of Jelly Belly's that I'm sharing with my sweet boy.
So much is happening in my head and heart over the last several months, as I begin to tentatively step into new relationships and a (once again) radically changed and challenged faith. If I don't start to write it all down, I will continue to escape in to Netflix marathons of Bones or weeping while I watch the latest love stories unfold in the Duggar clan.
Where to even start...
It's been nearly ten months since my family left the comfort and familiarity of our old, home church. The very church where I met Jesus. The church my husband and I were married in, and the place where each of my five children were dedicated to God. The church where sweet Eden was prayed for, expected, and mourned.
To say it's been a challenge is such an understatement.
I was rather unprepared for the deep grieving and mourning that this all would entail. I knew it would be sad, but I didn't expect to feel completely lost and adrift... for many, many months.
It's only been in the last few months that I've begun to feel solid ground under me again, and that is a beautiful, beautiful thing. God, of course, did not waste any of that time that felt so lost. He never does. In His infinite wisdom, he allowed this time to bring me to a place of desperate need that only He could meet.
A place where what I sought out was Him, not all the other. New relationships, a new "place" in the world... and then, The rest fell in, right behind.
I still miss a lot about the church we left, and I still feel a bit like a visitor sometimes, but I know God is leading the steps in this new "home" and I am excited about the journey.
Well, regardless... here I am. I have this goal of posting a few times a week, but if I'm honest, every time I say that some new plague overtakes my home and that priority falls very much by the wayside. Here I am though, regardless, trying to dust things off and start again.
A little over a month ago I had an appointment with a counselor who basically told me I didn't need therapy, but what I did need was some time to sit, think, and process a little. I came up with a plan to take some time each week and really get alone and write. I have been alone exactly zero times since then. (See, I make plans... and *boom*)
So here I sit. It is quite the opposite of sitting at Starbucks, people watching, and thinking deep profound things. Instead, I'm hearing the awesome sounds of Batman, the Animated Series, and Zoe's cough in the background. I am sitting in perfect view of the three loads of laundry that need folding, and I am snacking on the very healthy lunch of Jelly Belly's that I'm sharing with my sweet boy.
So much is happening in my head and heart over the last several months, as I begin to tentatively step into new relationships and a (once again) radically changed and challenged faith. If I don't start to write it all down, I will continue to escape in to Netflix marathons of Bones or weeping while I watch the latest love stories unfold in the Duggar clan.
Where to even start...
It's been nearly ten months since my family left the comfort and familiarity of our old, home church. The very church where I met Jesus. The church my husband and I were married in, and the place where each of my five children were dedicated to God. The church where sweet Eden was prayed for, expected, and mourned.
To say it's been a challenge is such an understatement.
I was rather unprepared for the deep grieving and mourning that this all would entail. I knew it would be sad, but I didn't expect to feel completely lost and adrift... for many, many months.
It's only been in the last few months that I've begun to feel solid ground under me again, and that is a beautiful, beautiful thing. God, of course, did not waste any of that time that felt so lost. He never does. In His infinite wisdom, he allowed this time to bring me to a place of desperate need that only He could meet.
A place where what I sought out was Him, not all the other. New relationships, a new "place" in the world... and then, The rest fell in, right behind.
I still miss a lot about the church we left, and I still feel a bit like a visitor sometimes, but I know God is leading the steps in this new "home" and I am excited about the journey.
