So much has happened in the last two and a half weeks...stuff I have be anxious to share, to process, to digest here on my blog. Unfortunately the computer conspired against me and decided to break down repeatedly in that time...
First, I guess I should clarify my last post... My heart was broken that day as I walked out the doors of my church. Broken even before as I sat in the sanctuary and felt a fully oppressive force. I wanted to cry just sitting there because it felt...it felt just plain wrong.
It wasn't the pastor. It wasn't the congregates even... it was the enemy of all souls. It was a physical reaction to a spiritual presence. It hurt my heart to feel that in my home. In the place where I had come to know and love my savior. The place that had held me up and held me together as I struggled trough my last pregnancy.
My church is a wonderful place, full of people who love Jesus with all they are, and it shows in their very countenance. My pastor is wise and caring. passionate about, not just teaching, but living the word of God. While it is rarely technically perfect, our worship team truly invites Jesus to be a part of service. The hearts of each member show their devotion to God every week.
So to feel this ugliness in the safest place I know, it hurt me. I wanted to fix it... but only Jesus could.
I didn't know who or what had invited it in, but I knew it had to go.
A few days later I was away on retreat with the ladies of our church... and God, He showed up. In a big way He showed up. He showed up with power and fortification for a battle we all knew was waiting when we got home...
And this week the battle erupted. At first it was shocking, then disheartening...and finally... as all the saints of this body rallied and sought Him...it was exhilarating.
Last night was Good Friday, and sitting in the front row of what was a very intimate type of service, wrangling all my tired kids, I felt God's presence in a new and wonderful way. I felt each and every person in that room choosing to love the others. I felt us come together to serve God and support one and other. I didn't feel judgment, condemnation, or bitterness. I am sure we have healing, repenting, and work to do...but it was so beyond beautiful...
To take communion with this body and have the chance to pledge my devotion to my Bridegroom once again... it was like falling in love with the whole family of God all over again...I didn't want to leave.
First, I guess I should clarify my last post... My heart was broken that day as I walked out the doors of my church. Broken even before as I sat in the sanctuary and felt a fully oppressive force. I wanted to cry just sitting there because it felt...it felt just plain wrong.
It wasn't the pastor. It wasn't the congregates even... it was the enemy of all souls. It was a physical reaction to a spiritual presence. It hurt my heart to feel that in my home. In the place where I had come to know and love my savior. The place that had held me up and held me together as I struggled trough my last pregnancy.
My church is a wonderful place, full of people who love Jesus with all they are, and it shows in their very countenance. My pastor is wise and caring. passionate about, not just teaching, but living the word of God. While it is rarely technically perfect, our worship team truly invites Jesus to be a part of service. The hearts of each member show their devotion to God every week.
So to feel this ugliness in the safest place I know, it hurt me. I wanted to fix it... but only Jesus could.
I didn't know who or what had invited it in, but I knew it had to go.
A few days later I was away on retreat with the ladies of our church... and God, He showed up. In a big way He showed up. He showed up with power and fortification for a battle we all knew was waiting when we got home...
And this week the battle erupted. At first it was shocking, then disheartening...and finally... as all the saints of this body rallied and sought Him...it was exhilarating.
Last night was Good Friday, and sitting in the front row of what was a very intimate type of service, wrangling all my tired kids, I felt God's presence in a new and wonderful way. I felt each and every person in that room choosing to love the others. I felt us come together to serve God and support one and other. I didn't feel judgment, condemnation, or bitterness. I am sure we have healing, repenting, and work to do...but it was so beyond beautiful...
To take communion with this body and have the chance to pledge my devotion to my Bridegroom once again... it was like falling in love with the whole family of God all over again...I didn't want to leave.
