I didn't blog yesterday. :(

It wasn't so much that I didn't want to or couldn't, but my typical blogging moments come when the house is quiet, so I generally put the kids in bed and wax philosophical...

Yesterday was my hubby's birthday and we spent the whole day, as a family, outside. In the 90* weather, swimming and hanging out.

This is probably my favorite way to spend a day, and always results in the best sleep ever.

So after a day in the sun and a yummy summer dinner of hot dogs and chips, Steven and I settled in for some time relaxing and watching tv...and then I fell asleep on the couch.

When I woke up I had a fleeting though about my blog but the cool bedsheets won. So I failed. At the very end...I failed.

This is hard for me. I have not been in a place to speak gently to myself and been far too aware of my shortcomings this week.

I often don't finish things. I hate not finishing things. It brings to mind a lot of things that were said over me in judgment. A lot of hurtful things I took in and allowed to grow and define me.

So I decided I'd still write today. To not just throw in the towel, defeated. I am going to accept my failing but not allow it to make me a failure.
9 Responses
  1. staceelianna Says:

    not posting one blog is not a failure. you win at life because you had an amazing day and were to busy to enter cyberland. =]

    love you!

  2. Cassi Says:

    Amen to Stacee!!!

    And Satan needs to shut the &*^& UP!

    You are soooo NOT a failure... REBUKE THAT THOUGHT!!!

    so what you didn't blog for a day.. the world did not crash down around all the rest of us... your priorities were exactly in the right place... your husband and kids....

    stop it.... just stop it...

  3. So... you were enjoying a day with your family and being a good wife and mom... Where is the failure in that?

  4. Nicky Says:

    I just don't know if I can agree with everyone else...............

    Just kidding! ;o) There's always next month. ;o) ROFL

  5. Cassi Says:

    Nicky... your so mean... lol

  6. Denise Says:

    nicky is mean...

    actually i went to La Capilla yesterday and i'm like 'it's steven's birthday, i wonder if the Anderson's are here' i looked for you and you weren't there... you guys were too busy having a blast!!!

  7. Krista Says:

    Yup, I have to agree with the rest of them. So NOT a failure!! ((hug))

  8. Terri Says:

    I know what you are talking about Alexis. it's something personal that YOU wanted to accomplish. But isn't that the way it is in life? It isn't that we fail ourselves, or sometimes others, (and many times the Lord), it is that we don't let it keep us down. We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and continue on. Bravo for you Alexis!!! Continue on! Dust yourself off and finish this darn month!!!

  9. Steven Says:

    I know we don't talk about your blog a lot. In truth, much of what you've written both here and in your blogs about our daughter are hard for me. Unlike the careful and deliberate language I so consciously choose when crafting something "Mr. Anderson" would say for public consumption, you always write so honestly and so vulnerably and that's so often hard for me to read. About Eden, of course-- sitting and thinking about Eden is still so hard for me. But about you also-- about your strange sense of doubt. And this blog. This blog especially.

    Sam-- if there were anyone who saw things through to the end, it is you. One year ago you and I were given the prognosis that our precious Eden, who we had already named and anticipated and loved, would surely die and were counseled to terminate her life. And we didn't. Six and a half months ago, I sat with you in Room 3007 of Cedars-Sinai hospital as we held our baby and said goodbye to her for the last time and you did not quit or fail or waiver and you didn't once question or curse your God. All the things I felt at that moment and for the thirty-six preceding it, all the times I gave up inside and stopped hoping. And there you were in triage on October 13, 2007, making the nurses laugh and saying "Just so you know, I'm one of those crazy Christian ladies and I'm expecting this baby to be healed."

    It's still so hard for me to talk about some of the last year... I think, sadly, even with you... but I want you to know-- as I know you already do-- that I would have quit-- both then and now-- were it not for you. That you are the strongest person I know, Sam and that if ANYONE sees things through to the end, it is you.

    And so, at the very end, you chose not to fail. In trusting your God, in loving your husband and committing to the hard work of being married, in parenting and schooling your children and in realizing the extraordinary woman God created in you.

    On my best days, I can only hope that my successes are as extraordinary as your "failures".

    In awe of you, Your husband.