I am feeling much better this morning and the situation that had me heart so grieved has been resolved and all is well...
So here is what I have been thinking for a few days now...
When I sat down this week to read the creation story, I can't honestly say I expected some dramatic enlightenment. I mean who hasn't read it? And then I read an account of a friend who was so moved by the vastness of God and my spirit shifted gears...
So I sat and read and my spirit resonated with hers, about the vastness and immensity of God and His creation... and I was humbled that He would love and care so deeply for little insignificant me.
And then I read on, completely unaware that God had even more to say to me in scriptures I've read a thousand times over.
I went on to read Genesis 3, the accounting of The Fall of Man. The eating of the fruit and the casting out of the garden...and hidden in those verses I think I glimpsed a bit of the father heart of God.
I am a parent of four amazing children, only one of which has never required discipline or correction. Only one has never broken my heart. The other three have, at one time or another gone so completely out of the plans I had for them that I had to step in and redirect them in a way that caused us both anguish.
So I read familiar verses:
11 “Who told you that you were naked?” the Lord God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?”
12 The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.”
13 Then the Lord God asked the woman, “What have you done?”
Suddenly I didn't hear the harshness I typically attribute to God in so many of the Old Testament stories... Suddenly I heard what I believe must be the truth of what happened. I heard a broken hearted Father "What have you done?" as His mind realized what consequences would follow and His heart broke at the idea that He would no longer be able to walk in the cool of the day with His children, and He realized the divide that would now come...
What must God have felt, knowing that all of His children would know pain and fear and heartbreak because of this single act?
And I cried. I cried for the beauty and love of God that are met with strife. I cried for the mourning God had to do that day. I cried in gratitude that He was willing to sacrifice so much for us.