Throughout my married life, probably because I have been married my entire adult life, I have at various times come to a place where I could feel some new shift just over the horizon. Something changing inside me, some new stage in my life.
I can feel it happening again and, to be honest, I hate the feeling. It's anxiety inducing in nearly every way. Sometimes I feel that I could weep uncontrollably and my fight or flight reflex screams "Run! Move! Do Something! Anything!" and yet, with some practice I have become able to hear God as He says, quietly, in a whisper, "Just wait. Just relax and let me lead you. Be aware and watch, but wait."
Wait for what? I just can't even guess.
In the past what I have done is leap into searching and grasping for the answer. I never find it. It comes, but I think I miss a lot of what God wants me to learn or some of the beauty of the ride. I miss the traces of His hand moving.
So here I am. Sitting and waiting. Crawling out of my skin...but still waiting.