It feels so much later than it really is, and the day has just flown by...but I need to take a few moments and really reflect, really see, really savor the last dozen or so hours.

It's not strange to think a birthday would have you start to reflect on the life you are living. Who and how you serve, parent, friend, and think.

It's been a wild few years, as I've said over and over again. I'm not going to lie, I haven't always dealt with it all with grace or humility. I haven't always adjusted my focus tpo the eternal and away from the spiritual...but more often than not I have. I have striven to see god when I felt blind, and listen to the whisper of His small voice. I have wanted to live out who He was calling me to be and walk the path I felt was the one He placed me on.

I fell, I got pretty beat up along the way, but mt great big God always waited next to me, with His hand outstretched to lift me up.

Today was fun and amazing, with nothing particular spectacular. A rare midweek breakfast and movie date with the one person on this earth who loves me beyond measure, the joy of a stolen day together. A relaxing dinner and a casual conversation in patio chairs on display at Kohl's with a dear friend. Nothing spectacular but a day marked with the profound.

Today, in messages that were unexpected, in gifts that were small tokens or grand gestures, in cards from other countries...in all of these things...an assurance that I was loved for simply being me. That I was valuable to people whom I love. That God gave me a life to live with great relationship and joy.

Today I saw myself through the eyes of God as special and called for purpose. Today I knew who i was more clearly than I have in ages.

Today petty disputes and profound disagreements ceased to define or darken the great love that I have been blessed with.

Today God met me and spoke with me in a voice as loud as thunder. Spoke to me a language of deep, unimaginable love.

Today I was freed. Again.

So I was tagged by my amazing friend Denise...again...and I put off the post for way too long.

The gist was about where I see myself in 10 years...and I thought that was interesting given all this talk of "The List".

I also have a half finished post about starting my list, and crossing off #37 Find or develop a pizza recipe my family loves.

So maybe, if you'll indulge me, I can talk a little bit about both.

It is an interesting time to be thinking about the future and where I hope to be, or what I hope to accomplish since I am just a few days away from a monumental birthday. 35.

I said it when I turned 30, but even more so now, at 35, I feel like that is such a grown-up. While I know I have dealt with some truly major things, and still do, I still am a little surprised when I say the number. I guess I always thought that when I was 35 I'd have "figured it out" or "followed my dreams" or something equally vague and finished sounding.

I think the thing I know now, is that the figuring it out, and the dreaming, that's always in process. That it and the dreams are ever changing. That nothing is figured out ever really, unless you have learned to be fully present in the day to day and seek the miraculous in the everyday.

Tonight, as my family sat down to cheer on Boston Rob and dine on pizza that I made from scratch I had a tremendous sense of pride at knowing that the very dinner we ate, was once only a goal, and is now a reality.

So to reflect on where I'll be when I turn 45? I, in all honesty, can't even pretend to imagine.

My eldest son, and even my daughter (if she follows in my footsteps) could be married in 10 years! It's even possible I could be a grandmother! How crazy would that be? My youngest will still be home, making me laugh everyday...and if God decides to bless us, maybe he won't be alone.

I hope things will have slowed down with my husband not struggling to finish a master's degree and work every spare second he can to provide a way for me to be staying home with our children.

I hope that the deep deep friendships I have now will have only deepened.

I am prayerful that the people I love, who are in the midst of trials so overwhelming now, will have been restored and blessed in abundance.

In my dreams my church has grown to overflowing and is impacting the city, nation, and world with the awesome and amazing love of God.

My list will have been long completed and perhaps another will have begun.

If feels amazing to look ahead with hope and prayer. To know that no matter where I am in 10 years, Jesus will be right there with me.

And in closing...because it may never get it's own post my list is here...feel free to look it over