Can't Sleep
Alexis
I am the worst blogger in the world. I look at my "last post" date and wince...and then I don't even have the courtesy to post my blogs at a reasonable hour.

And this post? It's going to be chock full of angsty goodness.

Being a mom is hard. The constant feeding, cleaning, wiping, and sleeplessness of the first year have nothing on the years to follow either. I may be more frequently well rested, but then there are nights like tonight where I am sleepless and broken. Where I am pouring out buckets of tears because I know the big bad world is about to try and crush one of my babies...be it the tiny one or the six footer.

Tonight, in the course of just a few hours, I received two emails that held big changes each of my kids. Different sources, different changes, but changes that I know will hurt. Both are out of my control.

I don't even know how or when to tell them.

So I have cried. And prayed...and cried some more.

I can't sleep...and now my nose is all stuffy and I can't breathe either.

I have to find my strength in a God who was not taken by surprise by this. In a Savior who shed His blood for these kids. I have to remember that it hurts Him, who loves them most, more than it hurts me to see them brokenhearted.

Sometimes I think my kids have been through entirely too much for their short lives. I catch myself trying to reason with God "wasn't loosing Eden enough?"...and always I hear the whisper, His reminder, that He has a perfect plan for them.



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2 Responses
  1. Hattie Says:
    August 8, 2012 at 11:39 PM

    I'm feeling for you, and praying. It's not fair, it's just not. But thankfully we have a great big God who uses this stuff to build stronger characters. Praying for you, praying for your kids. Your eldest daughter in particular has been on my heart. Hugs!


  2. Unknown Says:
    January 30, 2013 at 5:07 AM

    very nice blog. you discuss all aspects related to our life.


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