Enter a blog/life challenge. Enter The Joy Dare. Simply put, a little daily focus on Joy. Joy, a God given gift.

I'm late to the party, but i don't intend to give up and trow in the towel...I'll just start late and try to catch up.

I doubt I'll blog it everyday, but I'll try and keep an updated list here on the blog.

Day 1:

3 things about yourself that you are grateful for:

Hmmmm... this isn't easy to think of right off the bat. I mean, i think I have pretty eyes but am I grateful for them? Are my eyes a "about me" anyway?

I am grateful that I am stubborn. I don't think I am the type to just dig my heels in because I want to, but when I passionately believe in something, I get pretty rooted. I grab onto God and I use all my tenacity to hang onto or fight for what I think is right.

I am grateful that I am so vulnerable. Vulnerability rarely feels very good and has opened me up to a world of hurt and mistreatment by people I was emotionally vulnerable too. I have wept bitter tears over betrayal and relationships lost. I have felt hurt deeper than I care to remember. I have also had true, honest, deep relationships that have brought me the sweetest tears and greatest laughs.

I am grateful that I bore Eden. I did not carry her alone. I did not bear the burden of her death alone. God was every bit of strength in those many months of her short life, and He is my sustaining force, to this very moment. Still, I am grateful that I heard from Him and obeyed. I am grateful everyday that I loved her like I loved all the others. I am soooo grateful that she was allowed to live and that I got to choose that for her.

Day 2:

A gift outside, inside, and on a plate.

I am still a little cold from one of my nighttime walks. When i slip out at night and join up with my friend and we walk we do so much more than exercise our bodies. We laugh and plan and mostly dream. We share each others burdens and joys. We offer encouragement and a listening ear. I love these walks.

And when I came inside, it was still and quiet. The chaos of the day had melted and my family are all nestled in bed, healthy and warm.

I will probably eat one of my favorite Christmas cookies before I head off to bed. The box is half empty and when they are gone, they'll be gone until November. But tonight I will delight in them and how they taste delicious and remind me of the Christmas wonder of my childhood.

How about you? How would you answer The Joy Dare?

With Christmas comes my favorite, favorite, favorite Christmas cd. The Child of The Promise. Way back in late October of 2000 one of my good friends and I ended up with a last minute opportunity to go see The Child of The Promise performed live. A cross between a musical and mini concert, we were thrilled. I remember heading to our last minute seats, shocked that we somehow ended up eighth row center. I had my brand new baby in her sling and was still not quite myself from her recent birth.

When we settled in we had no idea that this would become the soundtrack to every Christmas following.

We sat for a few hours lost in the musical retelling of the events leading to the birth of Jesus and some of the prophesies fulfilled in his first few years. I wept and smiled and fell in love with the my Jesus all over again.

There were plans to tour each year, and my friend and I were anxiously awaiting ticket sales for the October 2011 date, when terrorists flew their planes into buildings and changed everything. The show decided to cancel and, for whatever reason, lost momentum, and that was it.

One season and one very well loved CD.

Every year there is something new that moves me...the tender loving moments between Joseph and Mary just before the birth of baby Jesus, the unwavering faith of Mary as she lays down her plans to go where ever the Lord leads her...but one song always tugs at my heart. One song is hard to sing through...Elizabeth, singing about the dream she held for her baby. The dream God kept alive. The dream God made reality.

I sang that same song when I finally was pregnant with my third baby, a son, named John...after waiting so long.

I sang that song when I held Zoe in my arms in front of last year's tree.

I sing that song for so many unspoken dreams.

I sing that song because I *know* my God sings over me. That He loves me. That He has plans for my dreams.

"Isn't it just like the Lord to

So how about you? What are your dreams?

I just tucked my sweet Zoe into bed for the 3rd time tonight...seems 3 days of festivities celebrating her first birthday is just a bit too much for her.

I was holding her, alone in my dark living room, listening to the rain and I could barely believe that this amazing little person was mine. That this entire year has passed much too quickly. That I was almost surprised it wasn't over.

Is that weird? That every morning, when Zoe is still here, feels like a new and precious gift? And that every bedtime is a treasured remembrance of the day?

So I was holding my sweet baby, looking into her face, and I just needed to write it down.

I am so blessed to live my life. With all the struggles. All the stresses. The busyness and the cranky attitudes we sometimes throw around, I am so incredibly blessed.

I am honored, everyday, that God has entrusted these amazing people to me to raise. That He loves me so much that He lets me be a part of the plan for their lives.

Even with Eden...it was an honor.

I am blessed.

Not that any of them are leaving me, exactly, just that my life is slow right now. There are still 4am feedings, stuffy noses, and school work.

I'm still in the highly needed stage of parenting, and honestly, I love it. I'd not choose anything else... but at the same time I am feeling a little restless.

Being wife and mom requires that approximately 80% of my time is devoted to someone else. To meeting sombody's basic needs. Feeding, clothing, cuddles. 80%.

Lately I have been noticing a real lack in the refueling that needs to happen in the other 20%. So I am watching people with new dreams and noticing that spark and wondering where mine is. I have written about this before. It's a pretty common 1-year-after-a-baby syndrome.

It is a little sad, but also a lot exciting. This time I am trying ever so hard to shut down the voices that are trying to tell me that this feeling is from my own, personal. lack. That it is a mark of my inadequacies. That I will feel this way forever.

I'm trying to hear God's voice as He guides me.

I am trying to fight against the urge to measure myself by someone else's yard stick.

And when I start to fail, I can hear myself speak these same words to my daughter, and I am reminded to hear them again.

So here I am...again...waiting. Wondering. Dreaming. Struggling.

The kids were cranky.

The mom was cranky.

The dad was cranky.

If we had pets, I bet they'd have been cranky too.

It was awful.

I was so happy to put the kids in bed tonight I could have cried.

Yet, in the midst of the terrible day, who shows up to meet me? God does.

My hubby and I stole a few moments to talk about all the little things piling up to turn me into a crazy person and in that conversation, God just confirmed so many things, through him, in my heart. It was truly beautiful really.

I am trying to build little monuments to remember my blessings as we trudge through some economic stuff, and as I trudge through some emotional stuff.

I have been watching my kids lately, with different eyes as they go off to school 2 days a week. After having them full time for the last 4 years, I see new things about them as they head out in to the great big world...without me.

I am struck by the confidence and maturity I see in my eldest.

It was not too long ago that he couldn't look most adults in the eye and answered all questions from just about anyone with one word answers.

I am grateful for the chance to have been able to pour into him and help him to find his voice, his talents, his faith...and to now see those things lived out.

I am, perhaps, the only mother to an eighth grader whose son leans in to hug and kiss her good-bye each day, on the steps of his classroom. He's not interested in being "cool". He's interested in being Noah.

For all his stubbornness at home, he steadfastly refuses to be someone other than himself out in public.

And who he is, is pretty awesome.

There is Phoebe, who doesn't quite have that grip on staying herself, but whom I know so well, that I can see it in how she is walking, if the day has been one where she has had to fight her insecurities with every step. I know the lies that play in her head enough to recite them...and I know when she needs to be loved on and reminded of the woman God has created her to be.

I love the days where she triumphs and the quirky, kind, amazingly generous and adventurous girl bounds through the door with a smile that bubbles up from her toes.

What do I say about Jack? There has never been a child more fascinated with the puzzle that is life. I see his mind absorbing so much each day, and I am so excited that I still get to be such a huge part of that. That his smile is one that fills each room he enters and that his curiosity is constantly expanding.

So, on days when it's really hard, I am going to look on these words and rejoice that all the hard days before have resulted in these children, and our beautiful relationships...and I am going to anxiously await the bigger and more abundant blessings to come.

It's pretty hard to keep my thoughts flowing while battling Zoe for the keyboard and moving her away from the desk doors and out of all my paperwork. Right now I have, possibly, two minutes while she chews on a marker she shouldn't have, to write.

Today it is just us girls. The big kids are at school and we didn't have to drive them, so it's been a pretty free morning. I had visions of accomplishing so much.

Yet the laundry and dishes are still undone, clothes are still strewn about. (Why is Jack's pj shirt in the kitchen?) And the rest is just not tidied up.

Why?

Because Zoe wanted me to hold her instead.

We ate oatmeal.

She used me like a jungle gym.

She played with her toys, but only while I was holding her next to me, on the couch.

She is not a typically cuddly baby, but she really wants to be where the action is. And when it's the two of us, she wants my undivided attention. What a blessing.

Just like God. He wants my undivided attention too, and yet I find it so hard to give sometimes. I love to sit and talk to God, while I am crafting...while I am listening to music...while I am in the shower...

And yet, He is calling me, over and over again, to just sit with Him. To delight in that time. To love Him uninterrupted.

This is not where I thought this post was going...but I guess it is what God wanted me to hear. So I am logging off to visit with my Jesus.