I feel like I have been so busy and so many changes and so I never update my blog anymore. Maybe I need another blog challenge?

This past weekend I went to the Cleansing Stream retreat. Which really, shouldn't be called retreat. It should be called a seminar or an institute or something that reflects the magnitude of what is done or what is accomplished in those two days.

The extremely over simplified, gist of the weekend, is letting go and breaking free of the things that hold you down or hold you back from getting and giving the most out of your Christian life. Good stuff.

In what seems to be our pattern, much of what was covered were areas where God has been dealing with me already. Dealing with my own fear of rejection or my own, very real, rejections. deleting all messages I internalized growing up. Fun stuff...

It goes pretty well in hand with some of what I related with my not-really-a-mid-life-crisis . I look in the mirror and I do not see the person I saw a year ago. I just don't.

I grew up wondering when I would be like all the grown-up women in the church. Wondering when the switch flips? When do I have a grown-up type relationship with God? I think I looked forward to it *and* feared it all at the same time.

As a pentecostal-charismatic Christian there really is no defining moment where we take that mantle on our own. No Bat-Mitzvahs, no Quinces... nothing. And I think I need to help my kids find "that thing".

I looked, as a child, at my children's pastor to lead me and we carried my faith together. Later in youth it was much the same. I was blessed, however, to have a pastor who was very good at making sure you carried the bulk of your life's decisions and so I definitely began to understand how much of my faith journey was my own. And without Christian parents that load was a little more. Later as I married and drifted into adult world, I suppose my marriage made me realize it was up to me. Yet still, it's pretty hard to understand what that is supposed to look like.

So here I am, nearly 15 years after I got married, finally feeling like I *get* it...and that is incredibly freeing. It's not at all oppressive or frightening.
3 Responses
  1. Cassi Says:

    I didn't know that CS was this weekend... you know I just work at the church... I really know very little of what goes on... :-)

    So - incredible retreat huh??? I loved it!!!! And really don't think we give it enough merit at Calvary...

  2. Terri Says:

    Hallejulah Alexis! I am soooo glad that you were able to go!!! Praise the Lord! And it's funny how you say you haven't felt "grown up" I guess we really don't see it in ourselves...we never see ourselves as others see us. But I have been amazed at the spiritual growth in you for quite some time! Keep growing sister!

  3. Nicky Says:

    I love the new layout!