I'm having a few of those days where so much of what is good in my life...and there is *so much*... seems to be caught behind this veil of murky water. The day to day grind is kind of getting me down. I am hoping that I can get my brain and spirit back in line if I take a few moments to focus and get it out.

I had a run in with someone today and it was really unpleasant, when I am alone he talks down to me because I am a woman and since I need to live in peace with this person as a part of the very peripheral part of my life I can't really get up in his face about it, so I have to smile and nod and agree when what I want to do is whip out the best finger wave I can muster and a good "Look here you..." It's a great lesson in trusting God I suppose. In letting Him fight my battles and raise me up. Unless something divine is done in this man's heart I can't see the situation really changing so I need to count this as one of those time where rain is falling on the "just and unjust" and let it go...so not my natural reaction.

I have also made great strides to become more debt free and less spendy. I have never been an extravagant spender, nor has my husband, but I have been learning new and creative ways to stretch money a little further... and then my car windshield cracks and my husband's car starts has this fun mechanical problem...bye-bye any stitch of getting ahead. Gah, it's so frustrating. Now there are some new expenses we hadn't planned for or seen coming that really shouldn't be on us, but are and we'll have to find a way with those too. Gah, again. Why is this always such a struggle for me? Why do i find it so hard to actually, joyfully, "consider the lilies of the field"? To look around me and see that we have *never* gone hungry. That we have *never* gone without. My living room floor is currently covered in a maternity wardrob larger than my regular one. All hand me downs and perfect for the seasons I'll need them. They are sitting next to the most comfortable couch I have ever sat on, that was also a handme down that was practically new. That faces the amazing TV my parents gifted us with at Christmas...and that's all *extra* that God doles out with wild abandon...and somehow I fret about the necessities. Sheesh. Even the car with the mechanical problem? that was a gift. We've only ever paid for gas and some minor maintenance...yet still, I fret. How many times will God need to teach me this same lesson?

I feel discouraged by my messy house, not dirty, just messy and then I look at the three amazing children I have...dragging things hear and there all day...and wonder how I could let that bog me down? I know every mother thinks it, but I, honestly, have amazing kids. I would totally pick them if I got a do over. I *like* them. they are funny, and kind, and loving. They love God and their family. Today, after i had been talked down to, they had my back. My oldest saying "I wish I were just a little bit older and I could tell him to talk to me!" Who is that blessed? Me! That's who.

So, I have everything I need, a lot of things I *want*, kids and a husband who love me more than I ever thought possible, a God who has my whole life in His hands and guarantees that He is working "everything for the good" of me and mine...and still I get discouraged?

Sheesh.