My oldest daughter is obsessed with re-runs of the show Wife Swap. Obsessed I tell you...and in a the-tv-lives-in-the-living room house, that means I am now watching millions of hours of the show, too. If you are unfamiliar with the plot, I'll break it down for you. The mom from a family that lives life at the very end of one extreme...Like the Fitness BootCamp, Only Organic, Vegan California family...switches with a mom from the other extreme... Like the Southern, Derby Car, Nothing but Fast Food, No Rules family...for two weeks. One week the moms live the lives of the mom they have switched with and the second week they get to change rules. Lots of chaos ensues. Lots of yelling. Kids get annoyed and many judgments are made, and someone usually cries.

Quality TV I tell ya.

Sometimes when we watch I think it wouldn't be so bad to have another mom come in here and give the place a really good scrub. That's the mom I'd get. The one with schedules and spreadsheets and she would not allow the mountain of laundry I am trying not to see right now.

She'd probably get the kids rooms pretty clean too. She'd get in there with a trash bag and vacuum and she'd get everything in it's place. Honestly, even if she was judging me in the process, I'd just be excited it's done.

My girls' room has hit that critical mass where they may need one of those mom interventions. The last time I did it is actually kind of a life defining day for me. That was the day my good friend Stacee introduced me to Stuff Christians Like, and the author I like to pretend is my best friend, Jon Acuff. :)

I laughed hard at the funny quirks in the Christian church that I love so much and I was also amazed at the greater spiritual points he managed to weave in as, of course, I was hooked. SCL became a regular read. Serious Wednesday brought tears to my eyes more than once...and I even called to try and book him to speak at our church!

As often happens when you set out chasing your dream, God changed Jon's path a little and he became not "just an author" but a leader. And not a weird cult leader, but a voice to an entire generation of dreamers. He's reminding people everyday to dream...and then to put some hustle behind those dreams. To sweat, work and own those dreams. And to Start moving!

That passion is contagious and a little scary when you are me. I have been feeling like over and over again, God has been reminding me to dream, To be passionate. To move in my gifts...and yet, I have felt stuck, terrified, empty, alone, and lost.

In the weeks since my mother's death, I have been broken in a whole new place and I think God is dusting off some old dreams and possibly unearthing more. I'm to tired of "trying to do it right", and life seems too short to play around. And I honestly feel like the last two or three years I have been stuck in a pit I dug.

So here I am, stepping out, afraid to dream and filled with hope at the same time.

One of the things I most want to do is write again. Even if no one is reading I feel like I know myself so much more when I commit "words to paper".

Do you have a dream that terrifies you?
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