A few months ago my family and I realized that God was doing something new in our lives... again. I wonder if we can even call it new since nothing has felt the same or old or even familiar since the day we found out our sweet Eden was going to die nearly eight years ago.
Eight years? That hardly seems possible!
But here it was, a new new. A HUGE new. A new I sensed was coming for quite a while but finally was certain was here. Was upon us. It was exciting and terrifying all at once.
A few months ago, my husband and I sat with out pastor, the pastor of the church in which I met Jesus. the pastor of the church I'd dedicated four babies in, The church where we'd loved and hoped for, and ultimately said goodbye to our second daughter... we sat with our pastor and told him we were leaving.
We weren't angry. The church wasn't wrong or bad... but God was calling us away.
It was one of the most difficult conversations of my life.
My parents had died and my pastor and his wife had always loved me like I was one of their own... so now I was an orphan and leaving the safety, security, and familiarity of these two people as well.
As sad as I was, knowing this was what God wanted made it a little exciting too.
Until it was real.
Until Sunday morning came and we had to find seats in a new building, with nothing familiar... until I signed my children in as visitors and saw my daughter be nervous and timid upon entering class...where at home, at *our church* she'd always rushed right in.
Until the singing began and no one was clapping. I guess *they* don't clap here. They clapped at *our church*.
And then, just like that the familiar did stir... because Jesus was there... and all of the parts of me that felt so exposed and raw were just a little bit more comfortable, because the same God from *our church* was the same god at this church.
I wish that was the end. The "And then it was all better and we lived happily ever after. The End" end. But is wasn't and it isn't.
I'm learning that it can be incredibly difficult being new. Not knowing people and making new friends. I feel so far outside my comfort zone at ever event or woman's get together. Not because people are unfriendly, because people really are kind and sincere... but they aren't *my* friends... they are *their* friends. I'm still the new kid.
You know what I am learning in it though? God is still my friend. He still cares and he hasn't changed.
I'm learning that my little is full of really cool, really fun to be around people. I'm learning that God loves to meet us in our desperate places.
Eight years? That hardly seems possible!
But here it was, a new new. A HUGE new. A new I sensed was coming for quite a while but finally was certain was here. Was upon us. It was exciting and terrifying all at once.
A few months ago, my husband and I sat with out pastor, the pastor of the church in which I met Jesus. the pastor of the church I'd dedicated four babies in, The church where we'd loved and hoped for, and ultimately said goodbye to our second daughter... we sat with our pastor and told him we were leaving.
We weren't angry. The church wasn't wrong or bad... but God was calling us away.
It was one of the most difficult conversations of my life.
My parents had died and my pastor and his wife had always loved me like I was one of their own... so now I was an orphan and leaving the safety, security, and familiarity of these two people as well.
As sad as I was, knowing this was what God wanted made it a little exciting too.
Until it was real.
Until Sunday morning came and we had to find seats in a new building, with nothing familiar... until I signed my children in as visitors and saw my daughter be nervous and timid upon entering class...where at home, at *our church* she'd always rushed right in.
Until the singing began and no one was clapping. I guess *they* don't clap here. They clapped at *our church*.
And then, just like that the familiar did stir... because Jesus was there... and all of the parts of me that felt so exposed and raw were just a little bit more comfortable, because the same God from *our church* was the same god at this church.
I wish that was the end. The "And then it was all better and we lived happily ever after. The End" end. But is wasn't and it isn't.
I'm learning that it can be incredibly difficult being new. Not knowing people and making new friends. I feel so far outside my comfort zone at ever event or woman's get together. Not because people are unfriendly, because people really are kind and sincere... but they aren't *my* friends... they are *their* friends. I'm still the new kid.
You know what I am learning in it though? God is still my friend. He still cares and he hasn't changed.
I'm learning that my little is full of really cool, really fun to be around people. I'm learning that God loves to meet us in our desperate places.
