I wish there was a way I could blog from the shower. It seems like that's the only time I really get to think. It's where I have some serious aha moments, and where I find it easiest to connect with God. It's a beautiful combination of being alone, white noise, relaxation, and yummy relaxing smells. And did I mention being alone?

Tonight, for example I escaped to the shower while my three kids ran the house. I'm not sure what exactly they were doing but nothing burned down, no one was bleeding when it was over, and the screaming was dulled by the sound of the shower beating down on the glass shower all in all, it was a great 10 minutes. While I was there my mind wandered and I was able to ponder so many things...

I thought a lot about my current bible study, about the seemingly minute details that keep popping out at me. Evidence of the spiritual journey behind me and the exciting (if not slightly terrifying) adventure before me.

I stood there and thought about the precipice I am standing on right now. In the past 10 or 12 years I have come to notice a pattern of growth in my life. It's not something I ever enjoy, but it's a familiar feeling. When I quiet myself and sit in the presence of God I feel this stirring of my spirit. Not that beautiful sensation of communing totally with God, but an anxious feeling reminiscent of being interrogated under a hot white light. The feeling that someone is scrutinizing every inch of my soul. Turning on every light and revealing the hidden corners of my very soul.

I recognize the feeling and what I want to do is run. Run like my life depends on it. Get far away from this uncomfortable feeling. Just escape it all together.

This time I am doing everything I can to sit. To sit and wait on God. To trust that I am being led through this forest into a prairie of unimagined blessings... because I know that's how God works with me. I have never been aware that this was the sign so I have never truly experienced the vulnerability of this step. I have tried to hide. Tried to fix. Tried to work through. But this time? This time I am going to let God lead and I will follow with my blindfold on.

I am afraid of the snares along the journey, but I will trust that He Who Loves Me Most is guiding me.
2 Responses
  1. Cassi Says:

    I noticed that there were no comments on any of your posts - so I thought I would comment and say Hi... and let you know that someone is reading them... but then I remembered that you didn't really tell anyone about this blog and so maybe that's why there are no comments...
    oh well - Hi anyway !!

  2. Denise Says:

    i read your blog, (:.

    i do love your posts, they are always so thought out and so articulate i almost feel bad writting mine because they aren't as good as yours lol.

    I think it's brave to be able to write so openly and share what's on your heart and mind, i'm thankful for it.

    i think showers are the best time to think... showers are the best.