A few months back I was reading this post by Michelle Duggar, yes, the one with all the kids.

I remember I had two thoughts:

First, was "Oh Thank God, she's had those days too!" I think every mom wonders, as they weep over dishes, sweeping, errand running, nursing, diapers, or any of the millions of things we feel so responsible for, if they are the only woman who has ever felt this way. If they are the only one failing. I have. A million times I have looked at my list of things to do and thought "I'm a failure. I can't do this. God, it's too much and too hard."

I just sent a series of those messages to a friend two weeks ago.

Sometimes my job is just.plain.hard.

We don't like to talk about it either, us mothers. When we say it out loud? Well, that's another failure. How can we look at all our blessings and thing it's too hard. This is the life we wanted and now we complain? Shame on us. Failure.

Somehow, knowing a woman with 19 children running around her home, who by all appearances are kindhearted, decent, loving kids. Rambunctious, but obedient kids. Kids who have learned well...somehow, if she has the strength to admit her 1am crying jags and utter exhaustion, then I'm not alone.

The second thing I noted was far less gracious... "I don't have someone who will help me with my laundry." Cue more crying.

I had a deep envy for a piano tutor who would help with laundry. None of my kids want to play piano, but still.

I quickly repented of my envy, but did tell God, "I could sure use help like that."

That was the end of it. I didn't sit and pitch a tent in my wallowing place and I didn't begin to seek after a laundress either.

There was a third thing I should have taken more note of. Michelle cried out in her desperation and God heard. He didn't just hear, but he acted.

The past few months have been trying. All of my kids are at pretty important junctures in their lives and I feel like my oldest daughter is really at a crossroads. Not between good and evil, but between knowing herself and being further beat up by the world. I have watched her struggle against herself, against me, but thankfully, not against God...though i have seen her struggle to grasp onto the truth of who He has created her to be.

And through all of this I have been her mother, her adviser, her corrector...and her teacher. I have felt so over burdened by these many hats...and I cried out that "God, it's too much. I can't keep doing it all. I am so overwhelmed!" and I waited for God to strengthen me.

I have felt his strength holding me up, pushing me forward, but I have still been overwhelmed.

And tonight? He sent me my laundress. Only in the form of someone suited to tutor my daughter in the two areas she struggles most in. The areas where she simply put up a block when it came to learning from me. Someone came alongside who passionately loves my little girl and sees a need and is willing to sacrifice to help meet it.

As I am typing this I can't even hold back the tears.

I have feared that I failed her. that I continued to fail her. I was so lost.

God heard me. He is blessing me by blessing my daughter. I am deeply humbled and couldn't be any more grateful.
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