Last week one of my dearest friends updater her facebook status : "what do i want to be when I grow up?"

Let me explain something about her, she's amazing. Not just in that I-love-her-so-I-think-she-is-amazing ways. Truly an amazing woman. She is giving and genuine. Funny and passionate. An excellent mother with adorable children who know they are loved. She is a thoughtful and kind wife. She can seriously make anything grow and has turned her suburban backyard into an impressive mini farm. She can write so transparently that I feel every emotion she conveys and she can capture moments with her camera that are breathtaking.

Yet, she doesn't know what she wants to be when she grows up.

She wrote this to me in an email, hopefully I'm not breaking any code sharing it here:

I don’t know what to do with my life. Is this thing really something God has in the plans for me? Or is it just a fun distraction I’ve come up with on my own?

I have been thinking about this so much lately, because all of it resonates with me. It has for years, and especially after each baby...but now, when the *last* baby starts to grow big enough to be somewhat independent I look around and think, now what?

My first baby is going off to highschool next year, and my littlest baby is walking and talking...for nearly 14 years I have been birthing, nursing, changing diapers, wiping noses, and pouring myself out for these little people.

So I can't help but think "What's next?"

I have no answers. I never do. I am getting a lot better at waiting to see. But I still get restless.

So I decided to run.

I hate running. I have always said you should only run if you are being chased. Yet, one day, I decided to run.

I am training for a 5k. Pretending I might turn into a runner. I don't know if I ever will. I don't know that I have awakened a passion within me. I just know, that I have never run it's new and exciting.

It is something I do, 100%, for myself. It's not about being a good mom or wife, it is just about being me. On my own.

So, like my friend, I wonder if it might be just a fun distraction...but I don't think it is wrong if it is.
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